Sugar and Depression: It's For REAL!

During these last 7 weeks I have learned: I do not like blogging. Mainly because I feel totally vulnerable. I don't like writing about me. But I had to write this post. I HAD to.

The relationship between sugar and my depression is explicitly clear to me, at this point. Sugar makes my brain feel like CRAPPO!

Sad cookie monster. Terrible, I know.

Shortly after Rylee and I were married in May 2010 (like the second week of marriage) I began to suffer from depression. I cried a lot. I stayed in bed a lot. I thought Rylee was cheating on me, and even had vivid what I call "hallucinations" as to when, where, how and with whom he was cheating. One of which led to a full blown anxiety attack. It still feels very real to me. I stood in the toilet stalls at school to avoid being at class early and having to talk to people. I got mad and agitated easily. I remember once throwing my large faux pearl earring at the mirror in our bathroom as hard as I could. I reeeally wanted to break the mirror. All because Rylee had done some tiny little thing that made me feel unloved. I had a very difficult time concentrating, studying, and remembering anything. I was often snippy and rude to my loved ones. (I am not perfect, but this is very different for me. I am quite non confrontational.) I stopped caring for music. I stopped caring for much of anything. One foggy day I went for a walk down main street in Logan, and decided to cross the road again and again, without waiting for the cross walk sign or the light to change. I once just sat on the bed holding my husband's hand gun. I wanted to die. One day at work a woman was a bit snippy with me. I started crying and crying and crying and shaking. I literally could not stop. My sweet managers were so worried. I blamed it on PMS. They said I could go cool off in the bathroom. I begged them to let me go home. I think they could tell that I could not stop, so they let me go. That night I spoke with my sweet Mother on the phone and with her help, finally decided that something had to be done. This was in November. My hell lasted only 7 months. I went to my doctor (who was WONDERFUL). She gave me a prescription. It was heaven in a bottle. After about 3 weeks I felt infinitely better. As time has gone on, I can clearly see how those 7 months have changed me forever. The depression is still more a part of my life than I like to admit. But I am SO grateful that right off the bat I was blessed with something that made my life livable. I have loved ones who have not been so lucky. I take a pill everyday. If I skip more than once I FEEL IT!

Why am I telling you this? Because: it is back. The hell. For 5 weeks on the no sugar diet I did AWESOME. I once ate donuts. But got back on quickly. I once ate a few pop tarts, but was able to get refocused quickly. The past few weeks I have not done so hot. I have been taking it easy on myself and snitching here and there. I make excuses about PMS and stress etc. And now my depression is back in all its hopeless, agitated glory. I am still on my pills. My husband is kind and wonderful. My child is smart and adorable. We are getting really close to having another little one. Rylee passed his police officer training with flying colors. We are starting to look at houses. I am loving young woman's and enjoying really diving into the doctrine and studying my little heart out. Why is this beast back? WHY? I will tell you. Because of the sugar. I weaned myself off and then I binged and my body is in shock mode.

I am currently soaking up ALL the research I can find on the relationship between sugar and depression and let me tell ya' folks; I am not the first one to make this connection. It is there. It is real. It might not be the major issue for everyone who struggles with depression, but I can tell you that there is no doubt left in me that for me, it is.

There is a fascinating connection between gut health (one's digestive system) and brain health. Sugar wreaks havoc on your gut.  Sugar wreaks havoc on my LIFE. Depression very much runs in my family. What if we could re-vitalize our entire lives, simply by giving up sugar? Is it worth it? Each day I am learning, I simply cannot afford to NOT give it up.

What is peace and happiness worth?



Here are a few references for anyone who is interested:
How Sugar Causes Depression
Can inflammation in this organ be at the root of your depression?
Gut Bacteria May Exacerbate Depression
4 Ways Sugar Could Be Harming Your Mental Health
Why Sugar Is Dangerous To Depression

5 weeks and a Prologue

5 weeks. It has been 5 loooong weeks since I committed to kick sugar in the big fat booty. (And by that I mean, not eating it.) When I think about what I have learned and how my mindset has changed, it seems like the time should be at LEAST twice that. I have been feeling like I am almost done, but with 3 weeks left I still have plenty of time to keep doing better and continue learning.
Woot woot!

This experience has very much become religious for me. In this blog I will share personal stuff which might be TMI for some of you, but putting it all out in the open has helped me remain honest with myself, which is KEY for me in overcoming this addiction. So thanks in advance for being nice to me. :)

God has been with me from the very beginning of this experience. I really believe that I was led to the articles, videos, and people that helped inspire me to once again attempt to give up sugar, at least for 8 weeks. I have been struggling with my weight, being consistently on the low to middle end of "overweight" since I was 15 years old. When I got pregnant with our son Greyson I was at a wonderful weight (thanks to a busy summer job which required me to ride up the MOUNTAIN to campus on a bicycle 5 mornings a week). Physically, I felt good:

I was determined to eat healthy for my child, and not use pregnancy as an excuse to eat like a cow. Instead, I ate like a BALOOGA WHALE! (Which eat a TON, in case you didn't know.) I gained 75 pounds. 75!! I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. We lived in South Carolina at the time so that included a LOT of fried chicken and ice cream. Processed stuff. And sugary stuff. Tons of it. This was me the week before Grey was born:

Granted I was very pregnant, but I still think back on how I ate with SHAME! It is a miracle my child came out as perfect as he did! It was this experience (and the fear of gaining and keeping on 75 MORE pounds with a next pregnancy!!) that has caused me to rethink how I and my family eat on a regular basis. (Let me clarify that weight is not my only health concern. Both sides of our families are ripe with depression, asthma, allergies, heart failure, and cancer to name a few. I felt an incredible desire to figure out how to feed my child in order to save him from having to deal with as many of these health trials as possible!)  In October 2013 we joined the October Unprocessed Challenge. http://www.eatingrules.com/october-unprocessed-2013/. We decided that we wanted to turn the month long challenge into a lifelong habit. During this time I read "In Defense of Food" by Michal Pollan which I cannot recommend enough! As we switched to REAL food, the weight has slowly been creeping off. We are FAR from perfect but in just 8 months our daily diet has changed drastically. This has started me off on a journey to find a happy relationship with food. I LOVE eating as "close to the dirt" as possible. When I eat whole, unprocessed foods, it reminds me that this food is direct proof that God lives and loves us. The things we eat come magically from DIRT! (I must include that other things we eat, ALSO eat food that comes from dirt. We do eat and love meat, in moderation. At least that is the goal. . . ) But it is not really magic, it is our Heavenly Father who makes this magical process possible! I love it.

Yet, I still remain very much addicted to sugar and unable to find any sort of control where delicious, processed, sugary treats are involved. As we get closer and closer to having another child my fear has grown. I am afraid of craving all those same things (Ice cream! Hot n' Spicy Cheese Its! Donuts, donuts, donuts! Fast food! Anything and everything in gigantic portions!!).

Why am I blogging all of this?! This is the prologue to the story: "Shariko Marble Quits Sugar Forever."

Stay tuned for Part Two of this thrilling saga. If you are still reading, thanks. :) What has your search for a happy relationship with food included? Any advice for me to finish my last 3 weeks of no sugar (including fruit and natural sweeteners) strong? Please share any thoughts and feelings! I LOVE connecting with others who are or have been on this same journey to physical, emotional, and mental health!